God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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