if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
