I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
