She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
