I think my vagina is haunted
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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