he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
