I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
