I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
