i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
