Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
