How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You're like the curious george of whores
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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