Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
