In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
