So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Floor bacon is actually really good
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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