Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
