im six kinds of drunk right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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