i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
