You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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