just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
