I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
