There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
