Can i not drive my cunt home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
