When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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