I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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