Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
