Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
