She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
