i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
