The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
