i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
