this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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