You're completely useless in the revolution.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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