why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
