...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
