Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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