Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
