He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
