dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
