help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
