Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
