I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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