Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
