Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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