i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
