Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
