He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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