bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
