So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
