I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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