It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
