iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
