so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Text me some of your sweat
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
